This message still has my mind going crazy...

Wednesday was an interesting day. After being completely over-whelmed emotionally, and having an over-crowded mind, I sat through a message that I am thinking will change my life forever; it is titled Gender Identity(correct me if I am wrong P.Joe).

The question that was posed at the beginning was, "What does it mean to be a man or woman?". Automatically my brain is trying to race for an answer, when I realized, I had no clue. The world has come up with this distorted idea of what it means to be a man or woman.

Most every child grows up with an unrealistic idea about what perfection is in a person. For example, Barbie and G.I. Joe. Little did we all know that if either of these "icons" were really living, they would be so unattractive and un-proportioned that they would not even be able to function as normal people.

There is that lie that no matter what, we will never look good enough. The world will say that the way we look will NEVER be okay. These unrealistic heights are set in our minds and we will drive ourselves crazy trying to reach them.

I personally have struggled with "Well, when I look like this I will be happy." "When I look this way, I will believe it when someone calls me beautiful." (Please, no one leave a comment concerning this, because I didn't write it for someone to say something.) So I was in this mindset, and then of course, P. Joe pulled the following scripture:

Genesis 1:27
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."

bum...Bum...BUUUMM...

Great, I have heard/read this scripture SO many times but never really thought about it. This scripture is saying that every part of me, whether I like it or not, was made in the image of God. That means that when I look down on me, I look down on Him--oh boy.

Okay, so now I know you are waiting on the answer to the question previously stated. "What does it mean to be a man or woman?" The truth is, it is being able to recognize the image of God in you. That means, it is looking past you and seeing what really matters, the God in us.

(:

Also, the crazy part of this is that Tuesday night when I was praying, God told me the following: "Breath easy my child. I have created you the way you are for great purpose and reason. Do not try and change what I have made. You look at things like they are difficult, but you are looking at you, not Me. Breathe easy my child." Isn't that just ironic!

Idle Motion (poem)

My heart is breaking,
For the ones who can't see past now.
They are muting their cries,
Their worship, not making a sound.
It's time to rise up,
And they are sitting on their hands.
Because of them and idle motion,
We are losing great people and lands.

Oh boy.

I have actually learned something from Algebra! Something I am actually going to use throughout my life!

We all know that life can toss some pretty intense problems at us. There is always that missing variable to finding the solution we need. Even though the answer is right there in front of us, all mingled and tangled in the problem, we tend to be completely blind to it. That is all true until we find the correct formula we are suppose to use.

I can try all day and night to get 2 - 2 to equal 4, but it isn't going to happen unless we use the right symbol. Until we change the equation and give it a plus sign, we will still be there trying to do the impossible by ourselves.

(:

I'm slowly learning...

There are some things that really drive me crazy. For example, one of those things is that I am a seasonal friend in people's lives. What do I mean? I mean that no matter how hard I try, most people are only close to me (friendship-wise) for a short period of time.

I have made many friends in my day; yet there are very few who I am still close with. I have also realized that my friendship with the seasonal ones has been at rough moments in their life, and soon after they find their barrings, or turn down the truth, we lose touch.

THIS IS SAD FOR ME! It also doesn't help that I overly care for people in general, so every time I make a friend, losing them is difficult!

However, I was praying about some stuff last night, and I realized something. If at any time in any friendship I have made any difference for the good, then is not my pain worth it? Everyone has to sacrifice something at some point, so could this be my constant sacrifice for the greater good? Maybe, maybe not, but that is how I am going to look at it.

Believe me, viewing it as "maybe I was just suppose to be there to help them through something" beats just dwelling on how much I go through friends, any day.

Ps: No, this does not mean that after a certain amount of time I give someone the boot. lol. Also, this does not mean that I do not have best friends, it just means that I understand the fact that 90% will not be in that place next year--sadly.

Pertaining to the previous post.

The previous post was one that was made at 2:20 AM when I was awoken by a thunderstorm outside. For those who don't know, I really don't care for loud noises, from fireworks to thunder. So, yes, I sat there for almost an hour terrified with my ears plugged. This is a confession of a childhood fear that never wore off.

(don't get me wrong, I love thunderstorms when they are quiet and during the day.)

I still have a childhood fear of loud thunder at night.

Sunshine, I am calling for a truce--maybe.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a "fun in the sun" kind of girl. Yes, I know it is quite ironic that I live in "the Sunshine State", but it changes nothing. I am the "let's pass out because I cannot take heat" kind of girl. However, I have spent the last two afternoons swimming, and honestly, I feel much better than I would otherwise. Hooray for that. The only thing I am not liking is the fact that my nose and lips are sunburned, but I guess it was bound to happen.

Next step: beachin' it. Hopefully my summer will be full of trips to the beach; even if it just means to read or walk. I want to soak up the sun, in the least literal way possible. (:

Something just feels right...

I am at a point in life where I feel happy and content, and I just thought it would be nice to share that with someone. (:

Sorry, I'm allergic!

So a couple years ago, my mom and I got the idea that I was allergic to bay leaves. We began to think this because I would get sick after eating her home-made soup, EVERY time. Long story short, bay leaves were ban from anything cooked in the house, and I was scared to try them again, due to the whole vomiting factor.

Well, tonight I was cooking dinner and decided that the whole bay leaf thing was an over-reaction, and that it wouldn't hurt any. So, I started making a tomato soup with rice, onion, garlic, bay leaf, and parm. cheese. Everything was perfectly fine until I started to cook the bay leaf; it was then that I started feeling sick. After finishing the soup I decided to taste it. Upside, it tasted quite good; downside I ended getting really sick and not being able to eat dinner.

Moral of the story children, don't eat something you know you are allergic to just because sounds/looks good at the moment. Do us all a favor and read into the previous statement more than what it means on the outside. We usually know deep inside what is good and bad for us, and a lot of the times we seem to still take that path.

(:

His music inspires me.

There are always people, that you somehow run across in life, who inspire you in some way. One of those people for me is Nick Jones. Never heard of him? Well, I ran across one of his videos on Youtube almost a year ago probably, and I am for sure a fan. The talent in this guy's voice is crazy. On top of that, his songs are so inspiring and his love for God is not masked in any way. So this is for you Nick, keep the awesome music coming.


Take a listen to one of my favorite, of his original songs:



Ps: If you enjoy what you hear, stop by his Youtube and let him know! I am sure he would be happy to hear it!

Optimistic VS Pessimistic

As many of you know, I write quite a bit of poetry and little sayings. I have done this for a long time, and today I decided to look back at things I had written last year. Boy oh boy, some of my stuff was really deep, but others were just plain out depressing. I can honestly say that I don't even remember being as "down in the muck" as I am reading about. I mean, evidently I was, in order for me to write some of the things I did, but it is like two completely different people now. I am happy to say that I am more-so an optimist instead of a pessimist these days. (:

Since I spent forever going through all of those writings, I thought I might as well share one with you guys.

"I can picture myself dancing at Your feet, but why is it, here out of my dreams, all I seem to do is trip and fall?" This is completely true sometimes.

Happy.

I feel so hopeful for something in the future. I can't really go into any details, but I feel like seasons are about to change--for the good. (:

Fresh Air

So yesterday I was talking to one of my friends, we'll just call him Danny, and it was just like a breath of fresh air. For once, in forever, I have found common grounds with a dude about dating and what-not. So many people look at me like I am crazy when I give my view on dating, and for once, I was able to have that conversation with a guy that didn't laugh at me. It was cool to see that he views things the exact same way. Hooray for not being alone in this world! Haha.

Anyhow, it is cool to have friends, and it is cool to find common ground with your friends. Thanks for making me feel less lost in this world Danny. lol.

Futuristic Talk (not the cool time-travel type. haha)

So this week my mind has been going crazy with my thoughts on the future. Whether it be things I can only dream of happening, or things like getting married(woot!). At first it was exciting and complete happiness, but then of course there was that little voice in the back of my head that kept saying, "Really Brittany, isn't that kind of a big dream? Do you actually think you could do that?" Needless to say, it made me sick.

However, today I decided that I wasn't going to let that voice take over again.

Philippians 4:13--I want to grasp this and believe it, therefore I will begin to speak it. Hooray for positive talking/thinking!

After I decided this, I sat down at the piano and started playing a song I have been learning. It didn't take long before I just quit playing--something just wasn't right. I then just quit everything and rummaged through a bunch of my music, looking for one song in particular. After going through EVERYTHING and not finding it, I did run across a piece I started to learn last year. I started this piece around the time my piano teacher moved to Texas, and when she left, I stopped learning it. I guess it just made me sad because I missed her and her family, and because it was sort of intimidating to learn. However, today I just felt like I should play what I knew.

I completely forgot what it was like to fall in love with a piece of music--it made my day absolutely wonderful, and it gave me so much hope in what I am capable of accomplishing.

Just thought I would share. (:

Dear World, Meet Soot.

Well, I think it is about time that you met one of my cats; Soot shall be first in line.

I have only been her owner for almost a year now, but it seems like so much longer. Prior to living here with me, she lived with my previous youth pastor and his lovely family. Although they didn't want to give her up, she was unable to move across the country with them.

Soot is an older cat and is indeed set in her ways. It is clear to everyone that she is boss and has to have her nose into everything. For example, I can call her name, love on her, try and play with her, etc., but if she doesn't want to acknowledge my existence, she will just go right on with staring out the window. Sometimes I think she is trying to prove a point to me, but then I remember that she is just as stubborn as the rest of us in this family. (not necessarily meant in a bad way)

Despite her attitude, she is a really sweet cat who wants my attention at the weirdest of times. For example, when I am on my laptop, she has to be on the keys of my laptop. When I am playing the piano, she has to be either on the keys where I am playing, or covering the music. When it is well past midnight and I am sound asleep in my bed, she will jump up and get as close to my face as possible. She will stand there/nudge me until I wake up; then she will give me this look that seems to say, "Oh, did I do that? I'm sorry. However, since you are up, scoot over so I have room to lay down." haha. I love this little kitty cat. (:

Talk about seasonal friends and such.

It is so easy to get caught up in what is going on around me. I have a choice though; never let a situation fool you into thinking otherwise.

For as long as I can remember, I have been a seasonal person in people's life. No matter what, it seems like I can never keep the same friends very long. It is like they move on or something, I don't know. However, this is the first time that this transition has happened since I have decided to face my fears of people in general, and I can honestly say that it is not pleasant at all. No, I am not an emotional wreck, nor am I wallowing in self-pity, but nothing has gotten easier.

I really thought I was going to get away with keeping the same best friends for a while, but as of right now, things aren't looking too bright.



Aside from all of that mess, my best friend is moving next month, and I am going to be a mess without her. Here she is, sleeping in the chair next to me, and all I can think about right now is how things will be oh so different. I am determined though, her and I are NOT going to lose touch. Nope. I will bribe her with package-safe food if I have to. Haha. Yep. (: Dear Katrina, I love you and you are awesome.



This post is over with, I need sleep. Happy April 2nd!